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Flat Lander Interviews Jeffrey R. Holland of COJCOLDS
Posted on April 24th, 2010 No commentsBelow (in two parts) is an interview between our Presiding Bishop Flat Lander, and COJCOLDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland. In the first part of the interview Holland speaks candidly about Boyd K. Packer, and in the second interview he testifies of the divine inspiration of the writings of Jim Jones and David Koresh.
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The True Order of Prayer
Posted on April 6th, 2010 No comments -
Divine Visitations Coming Soon
Posted on February 18th, 2010 No commentsWe are pleased to announce that we have made arrangements for several Divine Visitations in the not too distant future. After extensive negotiations, exact dates of the visitations have not been firmed up, but the preconditions required for the visitations have been agreed to.
White Salamander
1. When the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints fan page on Facebook reaches 1000 fans, the angel Moron I and his unicorn White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in Utah offering rides to children under 100 lbs.. For each additional 1000 fans to the Facebook page, Moron I and White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in one additional states, on this list: California, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Illinois. Once the number of Facebook fans reaches 10,000, Moron I and White Salamander will begin visiting all 50 US states, all of the provinces and territories of Canada, and a few other English speaking countries.
Jesus
2. When the total number of subscribers to the Moron Church’ YouTube channel reaches 1,000 Jesus will visit Hastings, Nebraska. When the number of subscribers reaches 10,000, Jesus will visit Salt Lake City and attempt to get an audience with the COJCOLDS First Presidency to set them straight on a few things.
3. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 25,000 Jesus’s dad will travel to Rome to seek an audience with the Pope, and will invite religious leaders from hundreds of Christian, Jewish and Muslim sects and cults to attend.
His Noodliness
4. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 1 million, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will personally appear at the United Nations building in New York City, and summon all world leaders to attend and be instructed in the true order of pasta, and the establishment of a Noodly way of life for everyone, in a world free from hunger, hatred and disease.
ACTION ITEMS:
Please help spread the word.
Share links to this page. Post links to our Facebook fan page, our YouTube channel and our website on your blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking.
Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook page
Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook Fan Page and invite all your friends and family to do the same. Post comments, photos and links to the fan page’s wall.
Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel:
Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel
and invite all your friends and family to do the same.Visit the Moron Church website
With many fascinating and educational pages of the Moron Church website you will want to share links with your friends to your favorite parts. Be sure to post your comments so that others may be edified.
Share links to individual Moron Church YouTube videos
Family, friends, neighbors and co-workers will be blessed by watching these faith-promoting videos.
Touring the Moron Church Temple
Moron Church Has Facebook Page
Gordon Hinckley Wants to Be a Moron
Stop Calling Dallin H. Oaks a Moron
We need everyone’s help to accomplish these important goals and bring these great blessings to the Earth.
Won’t you please do all you can? . . . . I knew you would.
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A Noodly First Vision
Posted on February 15th, 2010 4 commentsFlat Lander talks about his release from captivity (and doesn’t even mention me) and then explains the relationship between Mormonism and Pastafarianism.
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First Presidency Thanks COJCOLDS Leadership for Embracing Moronism
Posted on October 19th, 2009 1 commentPresident Henry Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints gave a speech recently near the bilge pump in the Moron Church’s underground compound somewhere in the Midwest in which he thanked leaders of COJCOLDS (that’s what we call the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) for embracing Moronism. “Moronism is our religion, and from our observations, it’s your religion too. We want to thank you COJCOLDS leaders such as Jeffrey R. Holland, Dallin H. Oaks, and Bruce C. Hafen for recent moronic speeches. We of course disagree with the content of their speeches, but are pleased they are attempting to embrace moronism.”
President Henry Eyeball
President Eyeball then magnanimously invited all of the COJCOLDS General Authorities to come to the Moron Church compound for a joint meeting. “We could watch some old Gilligan’s Islands videotapes,” he said, “but if any of you have a DVD player and want to bring it and some other videos, that would be fine also.”
President Eyeball assured the invitees that would be plenty of food. “We have lots of cheese,” he said,
‘we just have to go around and collect it out of the mousetraps.”No date for the joint meeting has yet been set.