Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • First Presidency Thanks COJCOLDS Leadership for Embracing Moronism

    Posted on October 19th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Happenings, Leaders, Press Release 1 comment

    President Henry Eyeball

    President Henry Eyeball

    President Henry Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints gave a speech recently near the bilge pump in the Moron Church’s underground compound somewhere in the Midwest in which he thanked leaders of COJCOLDS (that’s what we call the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) for embracing Moronism. “Moronism is our religion, and from our observations, it’s your religion too. We want to thank you COJCOLDS leaders such as Jeffrey R. Holland, Dallin H. Oaks, and Bruce C. Hafen for recent moronic speeches. We of course disagree with the content of their speeches, but are pleased they are attempting to embrace moronism.”

    President Eyeball then magnanimously invited all of the COJCOLDS General Authorities to come to the Moron Church compound for a joint meeting. “We could watch some old Gilligan’s Islands videotapes,” he said, “but if any of you have a DVD player and want to bring it and some other videos, that would be fine also.”

    President Eyeball assured the invitees that would be plenty of food. “We have lots of cheese,” he said,
    ‘we just have to go around and collect it out of the mousetraps.”

    No date for the joint meeting has yet been set.