Our First Ever Membership Drive

Below is the first video announcing our first ever Membership Drive. I’m the one who played the trumpet in the video. - Cliff

Divine Visitations Coming Soon

We are pleased to announce that we have made arrangements for several Divine Visitations in the not too distant future. After extensive negotiations, exact dates of the visitations have not been firmed up, but the preconditions required for the visitations have been agreed to.

White Salamander

1. When the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints fan page on Facebook reaches 1000 fans, the angel Moron I and his unicorn White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in Utah offering rides to children under 100 lbs.. For each additional 1000 fans to the Facebook page, Moron I and White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in one additional states, on this list: California, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Illinois. Once the number of Facebook fans reaches 10,000, Moron I and White Salamander will begin visiting all 50 US states, all of the provinces and territories of Canada, and a few other English speaking countries.

Jesus

2. When the total number of subscribers to the Moron Church’ YouTube channel reaches 1,000 Jesus will visit Hastings, Nebraska. When the number of subscribers reaches 10,000, Jesus will visit Salt Lake City and attempt to get an audience with the COJCOLDS First Presidency to set them straight on a few things.

3. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 25,000 Jesus’s dad will travel to Rome to seek an audience with the Pope, and will invite religious leaders from hundreds of Christian, Jewish and Muslim sects and cults to attend.

His Noodliness

4. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 1 million, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will personally appear at the United Nations building in New York City, and summon all world leaders to attend and be instructed in the true order of pasta, and the establishment of a Noodly way of life for everyone, in a world free from hunger, hatred and disease.

ACTION ITEMS:

Please help spread the word.

Share links to this page. Post links to our Facebook fan page, our YouTube channel and our website on your blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking.

Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook page

Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook Fan Page and invite all your friends and family to do the same. Post comments, photos and links to the fan page’s wall.

Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel:

Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel
and invite all your friends and family to do the same.

Visit the Moron Church website

With many fascinating and educational pages of the Moron Church website you will want to  share links with your friends to your favorite parts.   Be sure to post your comments so that others may be edified.

Share links to individual Moron Church YouTube videos

Family, friends, neighbors and co-workers will be blessed by watching these faith-promoting videos.

A Noodly First Vision

Law of Tithing Repealed

Touring the Moron Church Temple

Moron Church Has Facebook Page

Gordon Hinckley Wants to Be a Moron

Stop Calling Dallin H. Oaks a Moron

Flat Lander’s New Gig

We need everyone’s help to accomplish these important goals and bring these great blessings to the Earth.

Won’t you please do all you can? . . . . I knew you would.

A Noodly First Vision

Flat Lander talks about his release from captivity (and doesn’t even mention me) and then explains the relationship between Mormonism and Pastafarianism.

Patriarchal Blessings Now On Sale

Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

Moron Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard announced today that Patriarchal Blessings are now on sale for the special reduced price of $16.99 (a savings of $8.01) to anyone who wants one. Persons desiring (and paying for) a Patriarchal Blessing need not be members of any Latter Day Saint church, or be worthy in any way. They simply need to be desirous of knowing what the Lord God of the Universe has in mind for them, and they must pay the fee in advance.

Please contact the Moron Church via e-mail at moronchurch@gmail.com for instructions on how to submit payment. The Patriarchal Blessing will be sent out via return e-mail after payment has been received. In the Patriarchal Blessing you can expect to be told all sorts of valuable information about your future, both in this life and in the one to come. Patriarch Howard will personally supervise the random assignment of catch phrases to ultimately be assembled and e-mailed to each recipient. Patriarchal Blessings offered by the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints supersede patriarchal blessings from any other church (especially COJCOLDS, but including the Community of Christ–where they call them Evangelist Blessings).

Order your Patriarchal Blessing now. This sale won’t last.

No coupon necessary.  Not valid with any other offer.  Must be 18 to apply.  Not all applicants will qualify for our best financing terms.  See store for details.  Purchaser responsible for all taxes, tariffs and duties.  For entertainment purposes only.

The Law of Tithing Has Been Repealed

This video explains everything.

Our New Temple is Nearly Complete - Take a Video Tour

Here is a brief video tour of our nearly complete new temple.

Meet Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages

Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages

Oliver Chowder, additional counselor in the First Presidency, announced recently the appointment of Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages.  “This is an exciting time for us,” explained Chowder.  “When Joseph Smith screwed up the original restoration, he also incorrectly translated everything he touched.  Many of his incorrect translations are out-dated.  With the appointment of Chief False, we can now have our own much more modern incorrect translations.”

Chief False has extensive experience with the  Latter Day Saint movement, having been excluded from the COJCOLDS temple weddings of his siblings, nephews and nieces.  “The Mormons have excluded me from everything for years,” said False, “but that’s ok because it has given me lots of time and learn to interpret ancient pictures and languages just like Joseph Smith.  Like Brother Joseph, I have a VERY creative imagination.”

Chief False’s position is a staff position, not an ecclesiastical one, and as Department Head of the Mis-Interpretation Department, he will supervise up to one person.  He will report to Head Lackey and All-around Doofus, Cliff the Wino.  False’s interpretations will not be considered scripture, unless and until ratified as such by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.   False will have full telephathic access to the Plastic Cassette Audiotapes.  False will also be responsible for maintaining the incontinence protection supplies (adult diapers) used by the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  In a previous incarnation, Chief False was sometimes known as javageek22.

Moron Church Hires Arm Chair Quarterback Steve Yawn

New Moron Church Arm Chair Quarterback Steve Yawn is shown here playing in the famous "Rain Bowl" a few years ago. Yawn's team won, when all the players on the other team drowned.

President Boyle K. Pecker, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, convened a press conference in the men’s restroom at a rest area on Interstate 40 near Weatherford, Oklahoma recently to announce Steve Yawn has been hired as the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints new Arm Chair Quarterback. “Yawn played some sport or other,” said Pecker, demonstrating his keen grasp of details. Pecker was then trundled into the handicapped stall where he was instructed to urinate or have to wear a diaper for the return trip to the Moron Church compound.

Readers are probably familiar with the college and pro football standout Steve Yawn, who was better than Joe Montana, Joe Namath, Joe Gilliam, Joe Flacco, and all other quarterbacks named Joe combined. The wiry left hander could handle himself both on and off the field. Yawn is excited about assuming the position with the Moron Church. “I’m ready to get back into the game,” he said, “I like the action.” Yawn’s position will involve sitting in a chair, and sometimes writing something for the Moron Church’s exciting and informative website. Yawn’s immediate supervisor will be Cliff the Wino, and Yawn will not have keys to the church liquor cabinet.  In a break with tradition, the Moron Church hired someone who actually has some knowledge, skills, or ability in the area for which they were hired.  Yawn has been a frequent poster on ExMormonForums under the pseudonym Tommy Tummus, and will now make contributions to this website.

Please look for Yawn’s first exciting post in the near future.

First Presidency Thanks COJCOLDS Leadership for Embracing Moronism

President Henry Eyeball

President Eyeball then magnanimously invited all of the COJCOLDS General Authorities to come to the Moron Church compound for a joint meeting. “We could watch some old Gilligan’s Islands videotapes,” he said, “but if any of you have a DVD player and want to bring it and some other videos, that would be fine also.”

President Eyeball assured the invitees that would be plenty of food. “We have lots of cheese,” he said,
‘we just have to go around and collect it out of the mousetraps.”

No date for the joint meeting has yet been set.

Moron Church now has Facebook Page

Here’s the announcement of our new Facebook page