Hinckley: “Monson is an Ass” Packer is Evil

Moron Church of Latter-day Saints Presiding Bishop Flat Lander recently conducted a post-baptism interview with Gordon B. Hinckley, former President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who was baptized by proxy into the Moron Church.

BFL: Congratulations on your baptism in the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints, Gordon.

HINCKLEY: Does this cancel my baptism in COJCOLDS?

BFL: We can put in a cancellation for you if you wish.

HINCKLEY: Yes, please do.

BFL: Not a problem. You had quite a bit of administrative experience when you were alive, we were thinking of putting you to work for us now.

HINCKLEY: Go F—– Yourself!

BFL: Oh.

HINCKLEY: I’m dead and I’m not working a regular job ever again.

BFL: Fair enough, how about a position as a part-time consultant?

HINCKLEY: What’s it pay?

BFL: What do you want?

HINCKLEY: I’ll get back to you on that. When do I start?

BFL: Right now. Our membership drive isn’t going quite as well as we would like. Do you have any insights on how we can increase our numbers?

HINCKLEY: In COJCOLDS we mostly used deception and guilt.

BFL: We have standards.

HINCKLEY: Then why did you hire me?

BFL: Maybe you could just tell me some of COJCOLDS’s biggest secrets.

HINCKLEY: Monson is an ass.

BFL: I knew that.

HINCKLEY: Packer and Oaks hate each other and both are pure evil.

BFL: I knew that too.

HINCKLEY: Anything else I can help you with?

BFL: I’ll get back to you on that.

LDS Temple Wedding Video

Flat Lander for Hire

Please consider hiring Flat Lander as your organization’s on-camera spokesperson.

Inspired by Insana Dee

Click to download a copy of the Proclamation of Apology to Latter Day Saint Women

Mormons Admit to Real Reason for Supporting Prop 8

A brave young man at BYU wrote a letter to the editor that deserves notice:

Here’s a link to that letter:
http://usu-shaft.com/2010/byu-censors-letter-to-the-editor-critical-of-prop-8/

Mormons and Oral Sex

The subject of what sexual practices are permitted between married couples is a frequent, if taboo, discussion topic among curious members of various fundamental religious groups, like Mormons. Here, I share a perspective on Mormonism and Oral Sex.

Mormons are Normal and Mainstream

COJCOLDS has a new public relations campaign to help show how normal and mainstream Mormons are.  We want to help.

Video Conference of Religious Leaders

Here is the video from our recent conference.

Improving Home Teaching

Bishop Flat Lander outlines a new and improved home teaching program.

Flat Lander Interviews Jeffrey R. Holland of COJCOLDS

Below (in two parts) is an interview between our Presiding Bishop Flat Lander, and COJCOLDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland.  In the first part of the interview Holland speaks candidly about Boyd K. Packer, and in the second interview he testifies of the divine inspiration of the writings of Jim Jones and David Koresh.