Most Excellent Potentate Appointed Vice Bishop

Most Excellent Potentate (shown here impersonating the Governor of California) has been appointed Vice Bishop in the Moron Church

Most Excellent Potentate (known to some as “Oh Say What Is Truth”) has been appointed to the recently created important office of President of Apostolic Vices and Vice Bishop for Public Nudity, Licentiousness and Carnality.   In this role he will serve as the President of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices and will serve without counselors.  Because of this, his duties will be very “hands on” with all Apostolic Vices and will be responsible for personally watching and engaging in a variety of Apostolic Vice actions.

Members of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices will be known as Vice Apostles with special assignments to “touch” both the lives and the bodies of members desiring to be so touched.  The Vice Apostles will help members get that “special feeling” that can often only be accomplished by applying warm, scented oil in certain special ways.

The Moron Church is now accepting applications for membership in the Quorum of Apostolic Vices.  Please submit a résumé and appropriate video evidence of your qualifications.  Veterans, minorities, women and amputees are encouraged to apply.  Registered sex offenders will only be considered for positions in the afterlife.  Void where prohibited by law.     Position requires multiple organ donations, cultivation of open sores on legs, arms and neck, and handling toxic waste in the nude.  These positions are all “church service” (volunteer) positions with no salary, health benefits or food or travel reimbursement.  All church employees must live the standards of the church and are subject to body cavity searches without warning at any time, while at work or while away from work.

Inspired by Insana Dee

Click to download a copy of the Proclamation of Apology to Latter Day Saint Women

Flat Lander Interviews Jeffrey R. Holland of COJCOLDS

Below (in two parts) is an interview between our Presiding Bishop Flat Lander, and COJCOLDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland.  In the first part of the interview Holland speaks candidly about Boyd K. Packer, and in the second interview he testifies of the divine inspiration of the writings of Jim Jones and David Koresh.

Divine Visitations Coming Soon

We are pleased to announce that we have made arrangements for several Divine Visitations in the not too distant future. After extensive negotiations, exact dates of the visitations have not been firmed up, but the preconditions required for the visitations have been agreed to.

White Salamander

1. When the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints fan page on Facebook reaches 1000 fans, the angel Moron I and his unicorn White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in Utah offering rides to children under 100 lbs.. For each additional 1000 fans to the Facebook page, Moron I and White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in one additional states, on this list: California, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Illinois. Once the number of Facebook fans reaches 10,000, Moron I and White Salamander will begin visiting all 50 US states, all of the provinces and territories of Canada, and a few other English speaking countries.

Jesus

2. When the total number of subscribers to the Moron Church’ YouTube channel reaches 1,000 Jesus will visit Hastings, Nebraska. When the number of subscribers reaches 10,000, Jesus will visit Salt Lake City and attempt to get an audience with the COJCOLDS First Presidency to set them straight on a few things.

3. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 25,000 Jesus’s dad will travel to Rome to seek an audience with the Pope, and will invite religious leaders from hundreds of Christian, Jewish and Muslim sects and cults to attend.

His Noodliness

4. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 1 million, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will personally appear at the United Nations building in New York City, and summon all world leaders to attend and be instructed in the true order of pasta, and the establishment of a Noodly way of life for everyone, in a world free from hunger, hatred and disease.

ACTION ITEMS:

Please help spread the word.

Share links to this page. Post links to our Facebook fan page, our YouTube channel and our website on your blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking.

Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook page

Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook Fan Page and invite all your friends and family to do the same. Post comments, photos and links to the fan page’s wall.

Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel:

Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel
and invite all your friends and family to do the same.

Visit the Moron Church website

With many fascinating and educational pages of the Moron Church website you will want to  share links with your friends to your favorite parts.   Be sure to post your comments so that others may be edified.

Share links to individual Moron Church YouTube videos

Family, friends, neighbors and co-workers will be blessed by watching these faith-promoting videos.

A Noodly First Vision

Law of Tithing Repealed

Touring the Moron Church Temple

Moron Church Has Facebook Page

Gordon Hinckley Wants to Be a Moron

Stop Calling Dallin H. Oaks a Moron

Flat Lander’s New Gig

We need everyone’s help to accomplish these important goals and bring these great blessings to the Earth.

Won’t you please do all you can? . . . . I knew you would.

A Noodly First Vision

Flat Lander talks about his release from captivity (and doesn’t even mention me) and then explains the relationship between Mormonism and Pastafarianism.

Patriarchal Blessings Now On Sale

Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

Moron Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard announced today that Patriarchal Blessings are now on sale for the special reduced price of $16.99 (a savings of $8.01) to anyone who wants one. Persons desiring (and paying for) a Patriarchal Blessing need not be members of any Latter Day Saint church, or be worthy in any way. They simply need to be desirous of knowing what the Lord God of the Universe has in mind for them, and they must pay the fee in advance.

Please contact the Moron Church via e-mail at moronchurch@gmail.com for instructions on how to submit payment. The Patriarchal Blessing will be sent out via return e-mail after payment has been received. In the Patriarchal Blessing you can expect to be told all sorts of valuable information about your future, both in this life and in the one to come. Patriarch Howard will personally supervise the random assignment of catch phrases to ultimately be assembled and e-mailed to each recipient. Patriarchal Blessings offered by the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints supersede patriarchal blessings from any other church (especially COJCOLDS, but including the Community of Christ–where they call them Evangelist Blessings).

Order your Patriarchal Blessing now. This sale won’t last.

No coupon necessary.  Not valid with any other offer.  Must be 18 to apply.  Not all applicants will qualify for our best financing terms.  See store for details.  Purchaser responsible for all taxes, tariffs and duties.  For entertainment purposes only.

First Presidency Thanks COJCOLDS Leadership for Embracing Moronism

President Henry Eyeball

President Eyeball then magnanimously invited all of the COJCOLDS General Authorities to come to the Moron Church compound for a joint meeting. “We could watch some old Gilligan’s Islands videotapes,” he said, “but if any of you have a DVD player and want to bring it and some other videos, that would be fine also.”

President Eyeball assured the invitees that would be plenty of food. “We have lots of cheese,” he said,
‘we just have to go around and collect it out of the mousetraps.”

No date for the joint meeting has yet been set.

Gordon Hinckley Wants to Be a Moron

Cultural Exchange and Sleep Over

Pope & Mope Work a Crowd Together

Our friends at the Salamander Society have produced this genuine photograph of Pope Benedict XVI and President Thomas S. Monson, President Number XVI of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, waving to crowds in Rome after the Pope hosted Monson for a sleep over recently.  Apparently the two crazy kids thought it would be fun to swap religious clothing for a few hours.  Shortly after the above picture was taken, the two changed into cut-off shorts and T-shirts and went bike riding around Rome.  Moron Church of Latter-day Saints Prophet for Eternity Gordon B. Hinky was invited to attend the sleepover, but declined, because he is dead.

Mormon and Catholic Church spokespeople refused to give specifics of what the Pope and “Mope” did during the sleep over, but S’mores, pillow fights, and experimenting with makeup were on the agenda.  Practical jokes were thought to be part of the night’s entertainment as well, but the spokespeople quickly quieted that rumor by saying the Pope always sleeps with toothpaste in his hair, and President Monson was already planning to get a tattoo reading “Kiss Me I’m Swedish.”

Shout Out to Our Catholic Friends

Latter Day Saint Popes of the Past

Most people don’t realize that Latter Day Saints have had popes also.  All of you Catholics out there who have been wanting to become LDS, but were worried you wouldn’t have a pope to say bad things about can now join our church.  Please do so, and begin paying tithing immediately.