Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Interview with a unicorn

    Posted on March 27th, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings, Miracles, Videos 1 comment

    In this YouTube video Flat Lander tries to interview Benee Kent of the ExMo Radio show, but ends up talking to a unicorn.

  • Divine Visitations Coming Soon

    Posted on February 18th, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Happenings, Leaders, Miracles, Other Leaders, Press Release No comments

    We are pleased to announce that we have made arrangements for several Divine Visitations in the not too distant future. After extensive negotiations, exact dates of the visitations have not been firmed up, but the preconditions required for the visitations have been agreed to.

    White Salamander

    White Salamander

    1. When the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints fan page on Facebook reaches 1000 fans, the angel Moron I and his unicorn White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in Utah offering rides to children under 100 lbs.. For each additional 1000 fans to the Facebook page, Moron I and White Salamander will visit three cities and two small towns in one additional states, on this list: California, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Illinois. Once the number of Facebook fans reaches 10,000, Moron I and White Salamander will begin visiting all 50 US states, all of the provinces and territories of Canada, and a few other English speaking countries.

    Jesus

    Jesus

    2. When the total number of subscribers to the Moron Church’ YouTube channel reaches 1,000 Jesus will visit Hastings, Nebraska. When the number of subscribers reaches 10,000, Jesus will visit Salt Lake City and attempt to get an audience with the COJCOLDS First Presidency to set them straight on a few things.

    3. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 25,000 Jesus’s dad will travel to Rome to seek an audience with the Pope, and will invite religious leaders from hundreds of Christian, Jewish and Muslim sects and cults to attend.

    His Noodliness

    His Noodliness

    4. When the total number of views of the Moron Church’s YouTube videos reaches 1 million, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will personally appear at the United Nations building in New York City, and summon all world leaders to attend and be instructed in the true order of pasta, and the establishment of a Noodly way of life for everyone, in a world free from hunger, hatred and disease.

    ACTION ITEMS:

    Please help spread the word.

    Share links to this page. Post links to our Facebook fan page, our YouTube channel and our website on your blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking.

    Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook page

    Become a fan of the Moron Church Facebook Fan Page and invite all your friends and family to do the same. Post comments, photos and links to the fan page’s wall.

    Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel:

    Subscribe to the Moron Church’s YouTube channel
    and invite all your friends and family to do the same.

    Visit the Moron Church website

    With many fascinating and educational pages of the Moron Church website you will want to  share links with your friends to your favorite parts.   Be sure to post your comments so that others may be edified.

    Share links to individual Moron Church YouTube videos

    Family, friends, neighbors and co-workers will be blessed by watching these faith-promoting videos.

    A Noodly First Vision

    Law of Tithing Repealed

    Touring the Moron Church Temple

    Moron Church Has Facebook Page

    Gordon Hinckley Wants to Be a Moron

    Stop Calling Dallin H. Oaks a Moron

    Flat Lander’s New Gig

    We need everyone’s help to accomplish these important goals and bring these great blessings to the Earth.

    Won’t you please do all you can? . . . . I knew you would.

  • Flat Lander and Cliff the Wino Freed

    Posted on December 4th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings 2 comments

    Hi, Cliff here with word that Flat Lander and I have been freed.  Flat Lander put this statement on his Facebook page:

    “I have been freed from the Moron Church compound. Attached is a newspaper article with some information. I hope share more information soon. Just for now, thanks for everyone’s concern. It’s great to be free!”

    Here is the link to that newspaper article.  “Man Freed from ‘Crazy Mormon Cult'” Now, I know that lots of you have been worried about Flat Lander, and no one gives a fig about me, but I’m homeless again as a result of this.  I understand Flat Lander and his family are homeless, too.  But, nonetheless, I want to bear my testimony.  I know Joseph Smith screwed up the restoration of the gospel, and that through the Moron Church we had a chance to get it right.  Amen.

  • Patriarchal Blessings Now On Sale

    Posted on December 1st, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings, Other Leaders, Press Release No comments
    Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

    Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

    Moron Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard announced today that Patriarchal Blessings are now on sale for the special reduced price of $16.99 (a savings of $8.01) to anyone who wants one. Persons desiring (and paying for) a Patriarchal Blessing need not be members of any Latter Day Saint church, or be worthy in any way. They simply need to be desirous of knowing what the Lord God of the Universe has in mind for them, and they must pay the fee in advance.

    Please contact the Moron Church via e-mail at moronchurch@gmail.com for instructions on how to submit payment. The Patriarchal Blessing will be sent out via return e-mail after payment has been received. In the Patriarchal Blessing you can expect to be told all sorts of valuable information about your future, both in this life and in the one to come. Patriarch Howard will personally supervise the random assignment of catch phrases to ultimately be assembled and e-mailed to each recipient. Patriarchal Blessings offered by the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints supersede patriarchal blessings from any other church (especially COJCOLDS, but including the Community of Christ–where they call them Evangelist Blessings).

    Order your Patriarchal Blessing now. This sale won’t last.

    No coupon necessary.  Not valid with any other offer.  Must be 18 to apply.  Not all applicants will qualify for our best financing terms.  See store for details.  Purchaser responsible for all taxes, tariffs and duties.  For entertainment purposes only.
  • The Law of Tithing Has Been Repealed

    Posted on November 12th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings, Miracles, Videos No comments

    This video explains everything.

  • Horses were Unicorns

    Posted on November 9th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Happenings, Miracles No comments
    The only known surviving unicorn in the western hemisphere, "White Salamander," is currently owned by the angel Moron I.  White Salamander is shown in the pasture near the Moron Church compound during one of Moron I's frequent visits.

    The only known surviving unicorn in the western hemisphere, "White Salamander," is currently owned by the angel Moron I. White Salamander is shown in the pasture near the Moron Church compound during one of Moron I's frequent visits.

    Henry Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency, announced recently that new scholarship has discovered that all horses mentioned in the Book of Moron (also known by COJCOLDS and other Latter Day Saint churches as the Book of Mormon) were in fact actually unicorns. “This was just another instance where Joseph Smith screwed up the restoration,” said Eyeball.

    Asked why there have been no unicorn remains found anywhere in the western hemisphere, Eyeball explained, “Most were eaten by the cureloms. The only one that survived was the one ridden by the angel, Moron I. We are releasing the attached photograph as proof of the historicity of everything we teach in the Moron Church.”

    More information will be released when available.

  • Our New Temple is Nearly Complete – Take a Video Tour

    Posted on October 26th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings, Videos No comments

    Here is a brief video tour of our nearly complete new temple.

  • Meet Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages

    Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages

    Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages

    Oliver Chowder, additional counselor in the First Presidency, announced recently the appointment of Chief False: Interpreter of Ancient Pictures and Languages.  “This is an exciting time for us,” explained Chowder.  “When Joseph Smith screwed up the original restoration, he also incorrectly translated everything he touched.  Many of his incorrect translations are out-dated.  With the appointment of Chief False, we can now have our own much more modern incorrect translations.”

    Chief False has extensive experience with the  Latter Day Saint movement, having been excluded from the COJCOLDS temple weddings of his siblings, nephews and nieces.  “The Mormons have excluded me from everything for years,” said False, “but that’s ok because it has given me lots of time and learn to interpret ancient pictures and languages just like Joseph Smith.  Like Brother Joseph, I have a VERY creative imagination.”

    Chief False’s position is a staff position, not an ecclesiastical one, and as Department Head of the Mis-Interpretation Department, he will supervise up to one person.  He will report to Head Lackey and All-around Doofus, Cliff the Wino.  False’s interpretations will not be considered scripture, unless and until ratified as such by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.   False will have full telephathic access to the Plastic Cassette Audiotapes.  False will also be responsible for maintaining the incontinence protection supplies (adult diapers) used by the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  In a previous incarnation, Chief False was sometimes known as javageek22.

  • Greetings from Steve Yawn!

    Posted on October 22nd, 2009 Steve Yawn    Arm Chair Quarterback, Happenings No comments

    Hello all you wonderful brothers and sisters. Right now, I thought I’d drop by and grace you all with my presence for just a few moments. Me and Tom L. Hairy are going to Bingo in just a few minutes, but I told him that the Moron Church comes first. Of course, after he guilted me into doing what he wants, I had to oblige. I certainly wouldn’t want to appear unwilling to sacrfice and serve my fellow men, now would I? So, I will be leaving now. I just had to make one quick ‘Hello’ post because that conscience of mine was tearing me up. I’ll come by again later and let you all know how Bingo went!

  • First Presidency Thanks COJCOLDS Leadership for Embracing Moronism

    Posted on October 19th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Happenings, Leaders, Press Release 1 comment

    President Henry Eyeball

    President Henry Eyeball

    President Henry Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints gave a speech recently near the bilge pump in the Moron Church’s underground compound somewhere in the Midwest in which he thanked leaders of COJCOLDS (that’s what we call the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) for embracing Moronism. “Moronism is our religion, and from our observations, it’s your religion too. We want to thank you COJCOLDS leaders such as Jeffrey R. Holland, Dallin H. Oaks, and Bruce C. Hafen for recent moronic speeches. We of course disagree with the content of their speeches, but are pleased they are attempting to embrace moronism.”

    President Eyeball then magnanimously invited all of the COJCOLDS General Authorities to come to the Moron Church compound for a joint meeting. “We could watch some old Gilligan’s Islands videotapes,” he said, “but if any of you have a DVD player and want to bring it and some other videos, that would be fine also.”

    President Eyeball assured the invitees that would be plenty of food. “We have lots of cheese,” he said,
    ‘we just have to go around and collect it out of the mousetraps.”

    No date for the joint meeting has yet been set.