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  • Hinckley: “Monson is an Ass” Packer is Evil

    Posted on March 3rd, 2011 Cliff the Wino    Press Release No comments

    Moron Church of Latter-day Saints Presiding Bishop Flat Lander recently conducted a post-baptism interview with Gordon B. Hinckley, former President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who was baptized by proxy into the Moron Church.

    BFL: Congratulations on your baptism in the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints, Gordon.

    HINCKLEY: Does this cancel my baptism in COJCOLDS?

    BFL: We can put in a cancellation for you if you wish.

    HINCKLEY: Yes, please do.

    BFL: Not a problem. You had quite a bit of administrative experience when you were alive, we were thinking of putting you to work for us now.

    HINCKLEY: Go F—– Yourself!

    BFL: Oh.

    HINCKLEY: I’m dead and I’m not working a regular job ever again.

    BFL: Fair enough, how about a position as a part-time consultant?

    HINCKLEY: What’s it pay?

    BFL: What do you want?

    HINCKLEY: I’ll get back to you on that. When do I start?

    BFL: Right now. Our membership drive isn’t going quite as well as we would like. Do you have any insights on how we can increase our numbers?

    HINCKLEY: In COJCOLDS we mostly used deception and guilt.

    BFL: We have standards.

    HINCKLEY: Then why did you hire me?

    BFL: Maybe you could just tell me some of COJCOLDS’s biggest secrets.

    HINCKLEY: Monson is an ass.

    BFL: I knew that.

    HINCKLEY: Packer and Oaks hate each other and both are pure evil.

    BFL: I knew that too.

    HINCKLEY: Anything else I can help you with?

    BFL: I’ll get back to you on that.

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