Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Official Smithmas Card Released

    Posted on December 19th, 2010 admin    Uncategorized No comments

    In hopes that all can share in the delusion of the season, we release our Official Smithmas Card for 2010.

    The Official Smithmas Card for 2010

    The Official Smithmas Card for 2010

    For a larger version of the Smithmas card go here.

  • LDS Temple Wedding Video

    Posted on December 7th, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Videos No comments

  • Most Excellent Potentate Appointed Vice Bishop

    Posted on December 1st, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Other Leaders No comments
    Most Excellent Potentate (shown here impersonating the Governor of California) has been appointed Vice Bishop in the Moron Church

    Most Excellent Potentate (shown here impersonating the Governor of California) has been appointed Vice Bishop in the Moron Church

    Most Excellent Potentate (known to some as “Oh Say What Is Truth”) has been appointed to the recently created important office of President of Apostolic Vices and Vice Bishop for Public Nudity, Licentiousness and Carnality.   In this role he will serve as the President of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices and will serve without counselors.  Because of this, his duties will be very “hands on” with all Apostolic Vices and will be responsible for personally watching and engaging in a variety of Apostolic Vice actions.

    Members of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices will be known as Vice Apostles with special assignments to “touch” both the lives and the bodies of members desiring to be so touched.  The Vice Apostles will help members get that “special feeling” that can often only be accomplished by applying warm, scented oil in certain special ways.

    The Moron Church is now accepting applications for membership in the Quorum of Apostolic Vices.  Please submit a résumé and appropriate video evidence of your qualifications.  Veterans, minorities, women and amputees are encouraged to apply.  Registered sex offenders will only be considered for positions in the afterlife.  Void where prohibited by law.     Position requires multiple organ donations, cultivation of open sores on legs, arms and neck, and handling toxic waste in the nude.  These positions are all “church service” (volunteer) positions with no salary, health benefits or food or travel reimbursement.  All church employees must live the standards of the church and are subject to body cavity searches without warning at any time, while at work or while away from work.