Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • The Need For a Talisman

    Posted on April 14th, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Miracles 3 comments

    Officer Morris Swanson and his very fast horse, Ligthning, shortly after stopping Priestess Peace Finnegan for doing 86 in a 65 mile per hour zone.
    Officer Morris Swanson and his very fast horse, Lightning, shortly after stopping Priestess Peace Finnegan for doing 86 in a 65 mile per hour zone.

    Protected Again

    by Peace Finnegan
    Priestess of Talismanic Protection
    Moron Church Department of Revenue

    Something happened to me the other day. I was saved. There is no rational explanation for it. It has happened before.

    A few days ago I was pulled over by the state trooper going 21 miles mph over the posted speed limit. This has happened to me before and I was let go with just a warning. However, I was certain that this time I would receive the ticket that I deserved. Surprisingly, I was spared, once again from the speeding ticket. As I was trying to figure out why I was saved and not others I came to the only logical solution, I must be wearing a protective talisman.

    As I pondered this situation and my seemingly good fortune with state troopers, I began to wonder if perhaps I was wearing something that was protecting me. As I looked back over the 20 years that I had been married, I have been pulled over at least five times for speeding. Yet, each time, I was given a warning and sent on my way. I came to the conclusion that my wedding ring was a talisman.

    It truly has magical powers that I believe my Heavenly Mother has given me to protect me from any and all kinds of danger. I know this to be true because I have witnessed this protection time and time again, when I was spared getting a ticket because I was wearing the magical wedding ring.

    I want to share this message with the world and wish all to receive it. All of you will want your very own special ring to wear. I know that our loving Heavenly Mother will protect you from harm. I bear my personal testimony that she has protected me. Think of the money you will save in speeding tickets. I am positive there are blessings that I am completely unaware of that she a seen fit to give me.

    All you need to do is to give 9% of your increase to Heavenly Mother (I handle Heavenly Mother’s finances). She has done so much for you and you are indebted to her forever. Once you do that, you will then be eligible to buy your own ring just like mine. It will save you just as it has saved me over and over again. Without a shadow of a doubt I testify of this truthfulness. If you will humble yourself as a little child, you will see that what I speak is true. Think of your family. You wouldn’t want something to happen to them or you.

    Remember the story of Moses. The Israelites only needed to look at the brass serpent to be saved. And yet, some of them did not. Don’t be like the wicked Israelites. Be a believer.

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    3 responses to “The Need For a Talisman” RSS icon

    • What about things like bank robbery and fraud, etc. How much does it cost to buy a talisman for those crimes?

    • Is there a talisman for winning the lottery?

    • Thank you, Mick.
      I’m not in the Moron Church Department of Revenue, but I’m pretty sure I know what their answer will be, and that is “Yes” it is very likely that a talisman can help you avoid being arrested for bank robbery and fraud, and also a talisman can cause you to win the lottery. Please begin paying nine percent of your gross income to the Moron Church immediately to qualify for these blessings.

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