Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Flat Lander and Cliff the Wino Freed

    Posted on December 4th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings 2 comments

    Hi, Cliff here with word that Flat Lander and I have been freed.  Flat Lander put this statement on his Facebook page:

    “I have been freed from the Moron Church compound. Attached is a newspaper article with some information. I hope share more information soon. Just for now, thanks for everyone’s concern. It’s great to be free!”

    Here is the link to that newspaper article.  “Man Freed from ‘Crazy Mormon Cult'” Now, I know that lots of you have been worried about Flat Lander, and no one gives a fig about me, but I’m homeless again as a result of this.  I understand Flat Lander and his family are homeless, too.  But, nonetheless, I want to bear my testimony.  I know Joseph Smith screwed up the restoration of the gospel, and that through the Moron Church we had a chance to get it right.  Amen.

  • Patriarchal Blessings Now On Sale

    Posted on December 1st, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Happenings, Other Leaders, Press Release No comments
    Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

    Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard

    Moron Church Patriarch Hunter W. Howard announced today that Patriarchal Blessings are now on sale for the special reduced price of $16.99 (a savings of $8.01) to anyone who wants one. Persons desiring (and paying for) a Patriarchal Blessing need not be members of any Latter Day Saint church, or be worthy in any way. They simply need to be desirous of knowing what the Lord God of the Universe has in mind for them, and they must pay the fee in advance.

    Please contact the Moron Church via e-mail at for instructions on how to submit payment. The Patriarchal Blessing will be sent out via return e-mail after payment has been received. In the Patriarchal Blessing you can expect to be told all sorts of valuable information about your future, both in this life and in the one to come. Patriarch Howard will personally supervise the random assignment of catch phrases to ultimately be assembled and e-mailed to each recipient. Patriarchal Blessings offered by the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints supersede patriarchal blessings from any other church (especially COJCOLDS, but including the Community of Christ–where they call them Evangelist Blessings).

    Order your Patriarchal Blessing now. This sale won’t last.

    No coupon necessary.  Not valid with any other offer.  Must be 18 to apply.  Not all applicants will qualify for our best financing terms.  See store for details.  Purchaser responsible for all taxes, tariffs and duties.  For entertainment purposes only.