Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Horses were Unicorns

    Posted on November 9th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Happenings, Miracles No comments
    The only known surviving unicorn in the western hemisphere, "White Salamander," is currently owned by the angel Moron I.  White Salamander is shown in the pasture near the Moron Church compound during one of Moron I's frequent visits.

    The only known surviving unicorn in the western hemisphere, "White Salamander," is currently owned by the angel Moron I. White Salamander is shown in the pasture near the Moron Church compound during one of Moron I's frequent visits.

    Henry Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency, announced recently that new scholarship has discovered that all horses mentioned in the Book of Moron (also known by COJCOLDS and other Latter Day Saint churches as the Book of Mormon) were in fact actually unicorns. “This was just another instance where Joseph Smith screwed up the restoration,” said Eyeball.

    Asked why there have been no unicorn remains found anywhere in the western hemisphere, Eyeball explained, “Most were eaten by the cureloms. The only one that survived was the one ridden by the angel, Moron I. We are releasing the attached photograph as proof of the historicity of everything we teach in the Moron Church.”

    More information will be released when available.

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