Flat Lander Hired as New Church Spokesperson

Flat Lander, a prominent member of our church, has now been abducted, brought to the compound and forced to accept the position of hired as our Official Church Spokesperson.  In a press release, President S. Tommy Monsoon said of Flat Lander’s abduction hiring, “Is that the fat guy with the beard, all the hair, and those big glasses?”

Flat Lander’s experience as an official spokesperson is unknown, but President Monsoon has high hopes for him.  Referring to Flat Lander’s future with the church, Monsoon said: “Geez, we don’t have to feed that guy do we?”

Below is a video Flat Lander prepared announcing and explaining his new position.