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  • Sidney Rigatoni Leads the Presiding Bishopric

    Posted on April 7th, 2009 Cliff the Wino    Other Leaders No comments
    Bishop Sidney Rigatoni

    Bishop Sidney Rigatoni

    Bishop Erastus Grant Cannon

    Bishop Erastus Grant Cannon

    Sidney Rigatoni has only been the Presiding Bishop of the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints for a few months, but is enthusiastic about his new position.  “I used to be in the Quorum of the Seventy, and those boys are all dumb asses.  I’m glad to be away from them.  This has to be better than hanging out with them.”

    Bishop Rigatoni comes to the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints after a stint as a Pastafarian, and in fact makes his own pasta, which he carries around in his pockets.  Bishop Rigatoni also has the unusual personal habit of saving his ear wax.  “I use it to make candles in case there is a blackout,” he explained.

    Bishop Whitney S. Quentin

    Bishop Whitney S. Quentin

    Also serving in the Presiding Bishopric are Erastus Grant Cannon, first counselor, and Whitney S. Quentin, second counselor.  Bishop Cannon’s primary function as a General Authority is to attend training meetings of various kinds throughout the church, and stand at the front of the room, near the chalk board.  “If anything ever needs erased, I get to do it, because my name, Erastus, is more like ‘Eraser’ than anyone else’s,” he explained.  Bishop Quentin is even less intelligent.  “I just like this calling, because we all wear hats,” he said.

    After hearing the comments from his counselors Bishop Rigatoni remarked, “I knew I made the right decision, these guys are a lot smarter than those Morons in the Seventy.”

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