Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • New Priesthood Forthcoming

    Posted on April 10th, 2009 admin    Plastic Cassette Audiotapes No comments

    Blessings from the Recently Received Plastic Cassette Audiotapes

    “Faith-affirming!”  “Testimony building.”  “A true blessing from heaven.” These are just a few comments from Moron Church of Latter-day Saints General Authorities, church employees and a few people we don’t know, who have been eagerly listening to tapes delivered recently by the Angel Moron I containing interviews and conversations from the 19th Century.  (See details here.) So far, many of the Moronic teachings of the Latter Day Saint movement have been confirmed, but new teachings previously unknown in Moronic or Latter Day Saint circles have been uncovered as well.

    “Apparently Joseph Smith had a number of conversations about how to proceed with the restoration late at night with the angel Moron I while Joe was stinking drunk,” said Oliver Chowder of the First Presidency.  “And after he had slept it off, he couldn’t remember clearly what they had talked about the night before.”

    The first major teaching that will be restored as a result of the Plastic Cassette Audiotape recordings will be an entire additional priesthood will be announced at the next General Conference.  “We’ll be very excited to announce the Salad Priesthood,” said Elder James E. Talcum of the Twelve.  “So far we don’t know too much about it, other than it is what is known as a ‘complementary priesthood’ that can be served with either the Aaronic or Melchizedek Priesthoods.  We do know that is related to the Word of Wisdom, and that the three offices within the Salad Priesthood are “Crisp Lettuce,” “Chilled Snow Pea,” and “Sliced Tomato.”  Talcum went on to explain that we aren’t sure which heavenly messengers appeared to Joseph Smith to restore the Salad Priesthood, “but from the accents we’re guessing that one of them was a talking cucumber.”

    (See related story “Temple Ordinances to be Restored“)

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