Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Max A. Nealwell of the Quorum of the Twelve

    Posted on April 7th, 2009 admin    Apostles 3 comments

    Max A. Nealwell

    Max A. Nealwell

    Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Nealwell is a deep thinker.  His hat is used to hold the Sacred Seer Stone whenever the Prophet needs to receive written instructions directly from God.

    The deep and thoughtful talks he gives in General Conferences are seen as evidence that he actually believes some of this stuff instead of just making it up as he goes along like the other General Authorities.  His long, boring talks usually put most of the other GA’s to sleep.

    He converted to the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints after having been a bishop in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  “I was asking the blessing on the food at a family meal once, and I had so much to be thankful for that I couldn’t stop praying, and my wife and children starved to death.  Ever since then I have learned to keep mealtime prayers to 48 hours or less.”

    Elder Nealwell never remarried.

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    3 responses to “Max A. Nealwell of the Quorum of the Twelve” RSS icon

    • And don’t forget his poetic pontifications punctuated with awesome alliterations such as “flawless Father” and (referring to scripture study) “spiritual spinach.” Repetitive redundancies unnoticed and undetected also too.

    • Ms. Anthropy:
      Thank you for your kind and accurate insights. Nealwell’s penchant for pompous poetic pontifications peppering his precious pearls presupposes pure ponderings, pugnaciously produced by this prolific prophet. I’ll be sure to mention this to him when I see him at Pepper’s Passion Pit & Porn Playpen tomorrow.

    • Uncle!!! You win the alliteration war Nealwell would be proud. About Peppers: SSHHH! It’s a secret. I hear they have a handshake and keywords and everything.

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