Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Margaret G. Romney – Quorum of the Twelve

    Posted on April 7th, 2009 admin    Apostles No comments
    Elder Margaret G. Romney (left) shown with his wife, Alice, a used teddy bear Romney purchased at a thrift store.

    Elder Margaret G. Romney (left) shown with his wife, Alice, a used teddy bear Romney purchased at a thrift store.

    Margaret G. Romney

    Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Although “Margaret” is usually a woman’s name, Margaret G. Romney is male (and he asks that we also explain that he has no gender confusion or identity problems.  He dresses in women’s clothing to be pretty, and likes the feel of women’s underwear against his skin.)  He took the name “Margaret” in adulthood after being born with the name “Martha.”

    Elder Romney comes from a politically active family.  “My father was the first woman dog catcher in East Undershirt, New Jersey,” he boasts.  “My mother grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and had some difficulty with the teachings of her bishop that her duty was to obey my father, and vote however she was told.  She killed that bishop, and the next two they sent looking for him.  Finally they quit sending bishops out on the searching parties, so Mother was reduced to killing high councilors and Elders Quorum Presidents.  Mother could never ‘feel the spirit’ when killing folks lower ranked than bishops, so our family quit that church and she started killing politicians.”

    It was while visiting his mother on Death Row that young Martha Romney realized his calling to the ministry.  “Those lost souls who had nothing to live for, who only looked to the ‘great beyond’ inspired me to get into a line of work where I could convince people that this life is meaningless, that they should waste all their time preparing for eternity.  Sometimes I’m so successful at teaching people to plan for eternity, they give me all their money.  This is a great racket.”

    When Elder Romney considered a run for political office several years ago, someone told him that he would need to be married to be a credible candidate.  He went out that same day and purchased Alice (see photo at left), and while he has never yet been elected to anything, he has a very happy marriage.  The couple is considering purchasing some children.

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