Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Kim Ball Spencer – Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Posted on April 7th, 2009 admin    Apostles No comments
    Elder(ess) Kim Ball Spencer

    Elder(ess) Kim Ball Spencer

    Kim Ball Spencer

    Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Elder(ess) Spencer is the only woman Apostle in the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints.  Like most other churches in the Latter Day Saint movement the Moron Church follows the Moronic prohibition on women holding the priesthood.  Elder(ess) Spencer, however concealed the fact that she was female until very recently.  “That’s a chick?” said a surprised Prophet S. Tommy Monsoon, “she is butt ugly.  Look at all that facial hair, and on a chick, too? That’s disgusting.”

    Elder(ess) Spencer explains that she is not a transgendered person, rather she felt that in order to compete in a man’s world it was necessary to appear to be a man.  “All of the Spencer women have been able to grow beards and mustaches, it’s given us some real advantages.  Have you ever noticed, for example, that the line is always shorter for the men’s restroom than the women’s?”

    Elder(ess) Spencer has been a prolific writer, writing dozens of books, with her most famous one being “Forgiving the Miracles” which in hindsight seems to explain how she “fathered” nine children with her wife.  Recently conducted DNA tests indicate that none of the couple’s nine children are related to either Elder(ess) Spencer, nor her wife (in fact, three of the children are older than Elder(ess) Spencer.)

    Elder(ess) Spencer’s position as an apostle was in jeopardy and a special Church Court was convened to consider the matter, but it was quickly resolved when the Resurrected Angel of Joseph Smith personally appeared and spoke on Spencer’s behalf.  “Bearded ladies are hot!” said the founding prophet of the Latter Day Saint movement, settling the matter once and for all.

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