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Joseph Smith’s “Second Vision”
Posted on April 10th, 2009 5 commentsJoseph Smith’s Second Vision
Joseph Smith, the founder of the Latter Day Saint Movement (who was widely known for telling lies, digging for buried treasure, and making up fanciful stories), received visits from supernatural beings, that is a matter of confirmed fact among Morons world wide. Among his most well-known visitations were the so-called “First Vision” when he was visited by deity, and multiple visits by the angel Moron I. Less well known is the story of Joe’s “Second Vision.” This vision has never been disproved and in fact, has the exact same probability of being true as the “First Vision.” Nonetheless, most churches of the Latter Day Saint movement, (namely the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, among others) act as if the Second Vision never even took place.
Below is the story of the Second Vision, and much like the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’s canonized version of the First Vision, the story is written by someone other than Joseph Smith, but written as if Joseph himself actually said these things.
I retired to the woods to get out of working with my father and brothers on the farm. And after I had retired to the place I had earlier found, I looked around to make sure I was alone, so I could sleep the day away in peace and quiet in the cool grass of that cloudy morning. Just as I was about to drift into peaceful slumber, the freaking cloud moved, and I saw a pillar of light directly above me, that was bright as heck—I mean really pretty dang bright. The light was coming down in my eyes, preventing me from getting to sleep, so I turned over on my side, and I beheld two personages,
the first was dressed all in red,
from his toe to his head.
And he turned to the other and said.
“This is the beloved Easter Bunny
And although you may find it funny,
Listen to him now, or wind up dead.Quickly I got possession of myself and was able to speak. I asked the personages which holidays are the best ones for getting candy. I was answered that I must observe all of them for they are all correct, and the Bunny who addressed me said they were all delightful in his sight. And the Bunny told me many other things which I cannot write, and I began to think he was just rambling on, stalling for time when appeared from behind a tree a third personage.
And the fat guy with the big white beard in the red suit said, “Ok, Bunny, knock it off.” ThenThe jolly old elf then gave me a sly wink
And said, “Here’s someone else, I think
to whom you should listen and heed,
for he has wisdom you desperately need.
Eat your vegetables, your fruits and your dairy
And obey the teachings of Mr. Tooth Fairy.And then the Tooth Fairy talked for about 15 minutes on the importance of good dental habits and hygiene, stressing moderation in sweets, daily brushing and flossing, and finishing up with a PowerPoint presentation on how to avoid gum disease.
After the meeting, we all went our separate ways, and there was much excitement in the neighborhood as I related the story to all who would listen, but the local barbers, doctors, dentists, and computer geeks treated my communication very lightly, and a great persecution did increase and excite the public mind against me. They scoffed at my miraculous story, and claimed PowerPoint hadn’t even been invented yet, but it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision.
And although some members of the Latter Day Saint movement may continue to scoff, the official position of the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints is that the Second Vision is as much a factual account of a supernatural visit to the boy prophet as the First Vision.
An artist's rendition of Joseph Smith's Second Vision, which took place in the Sacred Grove not long after Smith's more famous "First Vision."
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5 responses to “Joseph Smith’s “Second Vision””
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Wonderful! Who could ever doubt the veracity of these statements? If you want to know of their truth for yourself, search your heart and pray. And god will answer you with a burning in your tummy, or a prickling of your flesh, or a buzzing in your ears or a peaceful feeling, or something like that, and if he doesn’t, you are not praying hard enough, or you are not pure enough. Always remember, if you doubt what you are told, you are the problem, not the stuff you were told.
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Insensitive… I’m not a Mormon, but jeez. Ever hear of religious freedom? It ensures that bitter mockings like this will never be anything more than that. At least one would hope so… The days of Mormon persecution are over. Deal with it.
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Dear anon:
Yes, we have heard of religious freedom. We are freely practicing our religion here, quietly without raising a fuss, and you come here to criticize us. This is OUR religion. We are proud to be Morons, and as pointed out the sacred experiences of Joseph Smith’s Second Vision is every bit as real to us as his First Vision. Please, leave us in peace. We are seeking only the opportunity to practice our religion and to share it with those who might be interested. If you are not, that is fine, but why must you be critical of us, why not just leave us alone? -
Cliff,
you would be right in telling me to leave this organization alone if the same could be said of the nature of your message. Play innocent if you like, but the one thing that is clear about the “moron” church is that is an attempt to lampoon the Mormon one. If I am mistaken, please be so kind as to explain the completely fictitious characters that comprise your leaders, apostles, etc. (Fictitious, that is, except for their being based on Mormon leaders, apostles, etc.)
Like I said before, I’m not a Mormon, but respect their faith because of the good effect it has on its members. The only thing I see coming from your members is hate, and that’s your fatal flaw. You see, I agree that there is much that needs to be changed in the Mormon church. In fact, I think this is true of all institutionalized faiths. The problem arises when people try to combat ignorance, in this case of the origins of the Mormon church, with hate. The reason is simple: hate is a natural product of ignorance. You cannot put out fire with fire. If you need proof, just consider what decades of actual religious persecution has done to solidify a faith so incongruous (but a faith nonetheless, meant to edify, not to uncover “lies”). If your purpose is to reveal the incongruencies within the Mormon church, there are other ways.
If I am mistaken, and your purposes are to edify, and to edify ALONE, then I am sorry, and you can continue to practice as you please with no further complaints from me.
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Dear anon:
Our good friend, John Dehlin, of whom much has been written and said in many places, is an active and diligent member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He introduced to us the Kierkegaard notion that faith in things like supernatural beings, translations from rocks, etc. requires a “leap into the absurd.” This John does and embraces COJCOLDS despite not actually believing its truth claims. He seems to see this as some higher and nobler action. We have recognized this “leap into the absurd” and made our own similar “leap into the moronic” which we feel is noble and uplifting. You come here and accuse us of hatred and note it is our “fatal flaw.” The COJCOLDS folks have canonized in their scripture that the Catholic Church is the “great whore of the earth.” They have a history of actual oppression and are actively seeking to have their own bigotry codified in law. Please, don’t come here accusing US of hatred and telling us of the “good effect” COJCOLDS is. We don’t buy it.If you wish to know more about our leaders (that you claim are fictitious) you need but open your heart and pray for confirmation of their reality. If you pray hard enough, long enough, and correctly, you will receive testimony of their reality. If you don’t receive that witness, it will clearly be your own fault for having not prayed and desired correctly. Our great advantage over many churches throughout the world (in our opinion) is the very fact that our leaders are exactly as real as Jesus Christ, Zeus, Thor and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Other churches are led by humans, who claim special abilities to communicate with characters nonbelievers think are fictitious. In our church our actual leaders are characters that nonbelievers think are fictitious.
Churches can exist for many reasons other than edification, many for example seem to think that COJCOLDS exists for furthering its own financial goals, so your charge that the Moron Church of Latter Day Saints is somehow only valid if it’s only purpose is edification is misguided. You do not get to decide what the proper purpose for our church is. Should you choose to join our church, your opinion will be considered by our leaders in the appropriate time and place, if and when the church leaders deem it necessary to state purposes, goals, reasons for existence, etc.
Why you feel it is your place to come here and judge us and accuse us of hatred, point out our “flaws” is beyond us. You make us wonder how our little, tiny, insignificant church website merits your time and attention. Our suggestion to you would be to find some worthy cause and actually reach out and help someone rather than finding fault with others.
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Naomi T. November 18th, 2009 at 17:59