James E. Talcum - Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Elder James E. Talcum

James E. Talcum

Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Elder Talcum’s book “Jesus The Moron” provides Moronic revealed truth about Jesus, that most people were unaware of.  The book is considered a “near Standard Work” among many Morons.  Talcum, using a mix of amphetamines and hallucinogenic drugs, wrote the entire 987-page book in just four days, and offers this profound recollection of the process.  “Man, did I get the munchies while working on that book.”

Considered by far the most intellectual and most intelligent of all the General Authorities, Elder Talcum wears a specially designed apparatus on his head, to keep his brain from leaving his head and ascending directly into heaven.  Elder Talcum, the only polygamist in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, is married to seven swimming swans.