Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Mixed Faith Families—Extremely Dangerous!

    Posted on April 11th, 2009 admin    Miracles 4 comments

    Four brothers, whose identity we need to protect, so we will call them Adam Goodson, Beelzebub Evilson, Diablo Evilson, and Evel Evilson each found religion in their life, but each found a different religion.  For the purpose of our discussion here, we’ll randomly assign the four brothers to a certain religion.  Adam Goodson, was a Latter Day Saint and followed the traditional Moronic teachings found in our beautiful and pure religion.  The other brothers found the false and horrible religions and were a Baptist, a Catholic, and a Lutheran.

    The farmland before the rain.

    The farmland before the rain.

    The brothers were farmers, farming adjacent ground, and of course the Big Guy Upstairs highly favored Adam Goodson which made his brothers jealous, but who really cares about them?  Anyhow, there was a terrible drought in the land, and Adam Goodson gathered his brothers to support him as he prayed to the Big Guy Upstairs for rain for all of their farms.  Unbeknownst to Adam Goodson, his mean-spirited brothers each prayed to their own false Gods, despite Adam’s admonishment to them that their Gods were both impotent and fictitious.

    Well, of course, the Big Guy Upstairs smiled upon Adam Goodson and sent the healthy, nourishing rain for the crops for everyone, and everything would have been fine, but the evil Baptist, Catholic and Lutheran Gods all tried to “one up” the Big Guy Upstairs and each other.  They sent much more rain than was needed, and terrible floods scourged the lands, and killed everyone for miles around.

    The farmland after the rain.

    The farmland after the rain.

    This shows the danger of one family having members of more than one religion.  The lesson is clear.  Be a Moron.  It’s the only safe way.  Don’t let your family members go other churches.  Those churches are all just the Great Whores of the Earth.  But, even if some of your family members do go to one of the Whore Churches, try to get them to pay their tithing to us.

    Remember ALL THE OTHER CHURCHES ARE WHORES so give your money to us!

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    4 responses to “Mixed Faith Families—Extremely Dangerous!” RSS icon

    • You don’t no nuthin bekase I werent killt and Im still alive so you don’t no nuthin. Besides, my husbin Diablo only pertended to join the Lutheran’s so he cud drink hard cider, which I make in the toilet tank. He din’t pray fer rain as you say but fer clouds cuzzin he gits sunburnt whin hes out tillin the back 40 and wuz tird of the hot sun berrin down on him day after day. So ifn the clouds brot the rain it aint his fawlt. He prayed for clouds. So kwit blamin him fer killin folks cuz I’m not dead, see?

    • Look, Wife of Diablo, I don’t mean to contradict you, but you ARE dead. Try breathing on a mirror. Nothing. You’re dead. Get back in your coffin and just wait for them to get you in the ground.

      You’re dead, dead, dead.

    • I haint’ dead. I checked this marnin and I haint! In fact, write now as I right this I can see my fingers typin and ifnn that int an indictashun thet I’m alive I do-no what is. Also, I caint breathe into the mirrer cuz it bounces back and sinjis my eyebrows off. Dang whiskey.

    • Wife of Diablo, again, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are dead. That isn’t whiskey you’re drinking, it’s embalming fluid.

      We have been thinking about offering you a position with the Church. You’ve heard of “Baptisms FOR the Dead?” Well, we thought we would send people to you for “Baptisms BY the Dead.”
      Whaddya think?

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