Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Dale Lynn Hoax – Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Posted on April 7th, 2009 admin    Apostles No comments
    Elder Dale Lynn Hoax

    Elder Dale Lynn Hoax

    Dale Lynn Hoax

    Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

    Elder Dale Lynn Hoax attended law school and had academically perfect marks, but his professors realized that he couldn’t meet the low standards of ethical behavior necessary to be an ambulance chasing lawyer, so they encouraged him to go into the ministry.  Hoax has excelled in his calling, providing shyster legal advice and employing every cheap, dirty trick in the book to keep the church out of trouble for the many crimes it has committed.

    When not actively working a swindle of some sort (either on behalf of the church or for his own benefit) Hoax enjoys playing practical jokes.  His favorite targets are vulnerable elderly people whose confidence he has gained.  “I don’t think a practical joke is funny without significant bloodshed,” Hoax explained.  “So I try to focus on people taking blood thinners.”

    Elder Hoax’s horseplay hasn’t gone unreciprocated.  His colleagues in the Twelve set him up with a “hot woman” whom Hoax married in the temple.  He thought he was enjoying a blissful marriage only to find out 18 years later that his wife was a department store mannequin. Still, Hoax is philosophical about it all.  “I always knew she was quiet and shy, but I still think she’ll make a good mother to our children someday.”

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