Bruce R. McConkle - Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Bruce R. McConkle

Bruce R. McConkle

Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Author of the very important book “Moron Doctrine” in which he adopts most of the Moronic teachings from the book “Mormon Doctrine” by former Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Apostle Bruce R. McConkie.

McConkle is well known as an interpreter of dreams in which he claims that most dreams are about masturbation or other forms of self-pleasuring.  “I can testify to this from personal experience,” he said at last year’s General Priesthood Session.  McConkle apparently had much more to say on the subject, but was dragged away from the podium by Boyle K. Pecker, who was anxious to compare notes with McConkle.

McConkle’s book “Moron Doctrine” adopting the tradition of online publications has several hundred pages devoted to “Frequently Asked Questions on the Minds of Morons.”  Elder McConkle has given permission for us to excerpt a few of the questions and answers here.

Q: Does God’s urine have an odor?
A: Not as much as you would think.

Q: How tall is God?
A: Pretty tall.

Q: Was the “Virgin Mary” really a virgin?
A: She was until she had sex.

Q: How painful was it to be crucified?
A: Pretty painful.

Q: Before God created Eve, what did Adam dream about?
A: Trees with knotholes.

Q: Is it hard to be an Apostle and write a book like this?
A: Not as hard as you would think.