Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • 116 Missing Tapes!

    Posted on April 10th, 2009 admin    Plastic Cassette Audiotapes No comments

    Shocking Development – History Repeats Itself!

    The Plastic Cassette Audiotapes have been revealing and restoring incredible amounts of information in the short time since they were delivered to Church Headquarters by the angel Moron I.  Stunning news was discovered just recently that 116 of the Large Tapes of Moron I have been lost.

    “When listening to some of the Small Tapes of Moron I we were very surprised to learn that the first 116 recordings made of the Large Tapes of Moron I have been lost,” said a stunned President Dieter F. Achtung of the First Presidency at a hastily called news conference.  “As soon as we discovered this, President Monsoon immediately began a series of magic incantations including hopping on one foot to summon the angel Moron I back to explain how this could have happened,” continued Achtung.  “Unfortunately that didn’t work, but Henry [Eyeball, First Counselor in the First Presidency] had Moron I’s cell phone number and called him up and left a voice mail message.  We are waiting for him to call back.”

    Achtung explained that the First Presidency takes it as a sign from the Big Guy Upstairs that the number of tapes missing (116) is the same number as the number of pages that went missing when Joseph initially screwed up the original restoration.

    UPDATE: Moron I has called President Eyeball back, but Eyeball was talking to certain female cyclops known to be considering joining the church, so Eyeball let the angel’s call go to voice mail.  The voice mail message seems to say that nothing of any significance was lost in the original 116 tapes, but the message is difficult to understand because Moron I seemed to be riding a motorcycle while eating tortilla chips and talking all at the same time.

    SECOND UPDATE: Moron I left another voice mail message for Eyeball about the missing 116 tapes, this time he was difficult to understand because he may have been drunk, but it sounded like he said a curelom ate the missing tapes.

    More information will be provided when available.

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